Could you Eat?

I have had many jobs in my life. My first job was at a recycling center. I have been a prescription delivery boy, sold running shoes, delivered furniture, cleaned bathrooms at a YMCA, watched children at a extended day program and many other part time gigs that prove to you that I am either very talented or one lost individual. The one profession that has alluded me to this day, that I always had some sort of desire to do, was to be a waiter. The closest I ever got, was Halloween 1997. By the way, we won first prize and were the hit of the party, that's for dern sure!!!

Laziness + Stupidity = Kaboom

I was listening to the radio the other morning and they were asking the question, "What was the dumbest thing you have ever done?" I thought I would throw the same question out to my 7 readers and see what responses I get. I will tell you mine and hopefully get some good ones in return.

My roommates and I had an old couch we wanted to get rid of. We thought of numerous ways of disposing of this sofa, and the most logical one we came up with was to burn it. One evening Chuck, Wade and myself carried the couch outside for the big show. I am not sure which one of us had the idea to pour gas on the couch, but we all agreed it would help. Actually it did help and the sofa was burning just fine. The party started when a thought crept into my tiny brain to throw the last little bit of gasoline onto the fiery couch. In my hand was a milk jug with a few drops of gas left in the bottom, which I thought may make a quiet little boom and maybe a bright light. I tossed the jug from about 15 feet away as I would if I were pitching a slow pitch softball to Barry Bonds. Before the jug even reached the couch, the fumes ignited sending the jug like a rocket away from our house. As most of you know, if a rocket is going one direction, that means the fire boost is going the other. What I thought was my life flashing before my eyes, was actually a giant ball of fire heading directly towards my manland. By the grace of God my jeans were the only things singed that night. Emma is alive today thanks to that near miss, that's for dern sure!

Girls love baseball too!

As I mentioned earlier, one of my loves is baseball. I could watch any two teams play at any level. Having a girl as my only child, I wondered if she would embrace my passion and join me for a game or two. By the grace of God, she does and we do. A few weeks ago, just Emma and I headed to a game to watch our very own Nashville Sounds. She was so excited to see "the big boys play", not the "little boys" that I coached in Little League. As we walked in to the stadium, "All my Rowdy Friends" was playing on the loud system. My 3 year old daughter looks up at me and I quote, "Ooh, Daddy, I like this song, I need this on my ipod". What has this world come to when a child that still needs help poopin' can download Hank Williams Jr. I am scared to know what my grandchildren will be able to do, that's for dern sure!

Blue Childhood

Do you remember getting fat? I do, 5th grade. My 10 year old baseball picture makes me look lean and fast. However, my 11 year old one looks like I spent the year preparing for the role of Humpty Dumpty in the school play. As an athlete this was a big hit to my ego. Besides not being able to run as fast, I didn't look as good in the baseball pants. The summers weren't too bad since most of the girls never came out to the fields, unless they had a brother playing and most of them were not our age. Once I started my 6th grade year, I realize what a pain being fat was going to be. It all started shopping for school jeans. I realized that I had now outgrown boy jeans, but men's jeans were just too long. The only solution Wal-mart had was "Huskey" jeans. Huskeys were for fat boys. They were still too long but not as bad as the adult version. My mom said she could hem them so they would be fine. My mom was able to hem them, but since I was so short she ended up cutting off enough material that I put them on my arms and they made full sleeves. The hem was about where the knee was supposed to be, so I walked around school with tree trunks for legs. The one advantage, was I didn't need to get nice shoes, because you could see them any way. That is the year I discovered the joys of sweat pants. That shortly brought a whole new set of problems, that's for dern sure!

Funny Child

I have 2 loves in my life, my wife Laura and my daughter Emma. Well, I actually love baseball, football, golf, raquetball, poker and food. Whatever, who cares anyway. Today I wanted to give you a taste of one of my loves. That Emma's a stinker, that's for dern sure!

Hello World!!!

Have you ever started something that you knew would be a challenge for you? Something that you have no business doing due to your background and ability. Right now would be that time for me, that's for DERN sure!